The plan is to return at the end of July, and on top of that I have some other interesting options. I promised my mother I would go on a trip with her, and that's likely to happen in September. The option of a month in India has been around, but I'm not sure if that's feasible at this time; we shall see. But what I do realize is a few things about time.
4 months away is more than enough for me. That's basically my limit as of right now without getting somewhat homesick. Maybe I can manage that better? I don't know.
1 month home also seems to be a limit. I came home and was so extremely happy, only for it to fade within a month and I was becoming extremely frustrated.
4 months away is more than enough for me. That's basically my limit as of right now without getting somewhat homesick. Maybe I can manage that better? I don't know.
1 month home also seems to be a limit. I came home and was so extremely happy, only for it to fade within a month and I was becoming extremely frustrated.
Man, I sure have neglected this thing. Sorry, i've been busy! Not sure enough people even read this to write more than a month at a time anyways.
So, as you may or may not know, I'm back in New York. My friend Dan accompanied me on the day long road trip out East, and after a weekend here he headed back home and I continued on! I sure did miss it here. It's like I live two different lives; here and the Midwest.
So, as you may or may not know, I'm back in New York. My friend Dan accompanied me on the day long road trip out East, and after a weekend here he headed back home and I continued on! I sure did miss it here. It's like I live two different lives; here and the Midwest.
I've had to relearn a lot of the same lessons I've taught myself while I was in Bolivia, as well. Last night Hazel and I saw the latest Alejandro Jodorowsky film. It's beautiful. It might be my favorite work of his. It's an enchanting semi auto-biographical tale, and it really makes you think more about what it is to love, to be accepted, and to share. Hazel and I had an extremely long discussion afterwards, and we've realized a lot in our time together on this Earth.
I don't really have any other friends like Hazel. I understand people, I really do. But with her, every approach I have doesn't work. She's a unique soul. She's taught me to love without expectations. Without hoping that you'll get something in return. To always act out of kindness, and try to control selfish urges. What greater gift can you share with the world than your love?
I didn't have the best weekend. I really enjoyed my friend's birthday party, but a series of people decided to let me down at basically the exact same time. Would this have hurt if I had no expectations? Maybe. Would it have hurt less? Yes, definitely.
I don't really have any other friends like Hazel. I understand people, I really do. But with her, every approach I have doesn't work. She's a unique soul. She's taught me to love without expectations. Without hoping that you'll get something in return. To always act out of kindness, and try to control selfish urges. What greater gift can you share with the world than your love?
I didn't have the best weekend. I really enjoyed my friend's birthday party, but a series of people decided to let me down at basically the exact same time. Would this have hurt if I had no expectations? Maybe. Would it have hurt less? Yes, definitely.
Try it. Try to just...be. That's whats difficult in life. I love to listen to myself. I eat what my body says it wants, and it feels wonderful. I am working on doing what my heart says I should. There's two schools of thoughts I follow that say different things about what the mind truly is, so I'm still trying to discover the route to take with that. But always follow your heart. Listen to yourself, your inside.
To love unconditionally is something I've honestly only come across with two other people in my life, family excluded. Family is still a strange concept to me, I don't know if I'll ever understand. Hazel and I were discussing childhood stories, and I don't quite have nearly the same as hers. She shares some about a deep connection with her father. I've been thinking about mine lately, and I don't really have that connection with any members of my family, besides my grandma and somewhat my sister.
Last year I really learned to open up, that it was okay to tell others you love them. My school of thought was well the more I hide my love and only share it with a very select few, the better it is. I found that to be untrue, but to give my love to everyone deserving of it and I've honestly been a much happier person since then. One person I've never expressed my love for is my grandmother. I've never said it to her, that I love her. I can't answer why, either. We've never said it to each other. I'm sure, it's known, we both love each other. When I was back home I saw her as often as I could. In fact, I just called her two days ago to catch up. But I've never been able to share that message with her. I'm not too pleased about that.
I'm happy here, today I had a day off from pretty much every requirement of me for the first time in nearly half a year. I'm constantly in motion, but today I wasn't. It was nice, a "me" day. I got quite bored of it after some time, though, and I think this says a lot about me as a person that i need to work on and accept. I'm always seeking the wisdom of others, but sometimes I feel like I know too much to listen. Even teachers can learn new lessons.
I'll leave with a line from Jodorowsky's film that has resonated with me since last night. In a scene, an ugly midget woman realizes her lover has recovered from his amnesia, and will subsequently leave her. She had written him a note, knowing this day would come. She was so hideous to others that only he was the one to ever accept her, and for that she was forever grateful. As she says, because he is back, then she must go, and she hangs herself. I truly can't fathom how important this line is to me; "No one escapes their destiny."
I'll leave with a line from Jodorowsky's film that has resonated with me since last night. In a scene, an ugly midget woman realizes her lover has recovered from his amnesia, and will subsequently leave her. She had written him a note, knowing this day would come. She was so hideous to others that only he was the one to ever accept her, and for that she was forever grateful. As she says, because he is back, then she must go, and she hangs herself. I truly can't fathom how important this line is to me; "No one escapes their destiny."