Note: I wrote this post already while on a train and the draft magically disappeared. Pretty mad. Anyways...
It was around this time last year I was stressed, and left my first job back in Chicago. I never wanted to be there, but having found the perfect apartment I needed to start somewhere.
I found my dream job after this. It was perfect, on the outside. A short and extremely stressful 5 months, I left in July, and sick and tired of work I booked my flight to the Philippines.
I found my dream job after this. It was perfect, on the outside. A short and extremely stressful 5 months, I left in July, and sick and tired of work I booked my flight to the Philippines.
Four months was a long time to wait, and now I'm already in month two of the journey. Life comes at you fast, but always do what your heart desires. Set goals; both long and short. Don't neglect the midterm goals too. I'm far from stress free but I'm finally doing as I please. Now my stresses are "Should I go to Chiang Mai today, or to Siem Reap?"
Stay true to yourself. Don't wish, or call others lucky. To calll someone lucky for reaping from their hard work is disingenuous at best. People are telling me "wow, no work and all travel? Lucky. Must be nice!" Yes. It is but you didn't see me when I was running two stores and spending upwards of 13 hours a day in them, only to have a meeting after. You didn't see me during the hour at the gym, the hour bike ride in subzero temperatures, the days where I didn't see the sun because I'm stuck in a basement working. I don't blame you, though. It's easy to discredit hard work because we're too lazy to do it on our own.
I was that way too. Then I started living.
Stay true to yourself. Don't wish, or call others lucky. To calll someone lucky for reaping from their hard work is disingenuous at best. People are telling me "wow, no work and all travel? Lucky. Must be nice!" Yes. It is but you didn't see me when I was running two stores and spending upwards of 13 hours a day in them, only to have a meeting after. You didn't see me during the hour at the gym, the hour bike ride in subzero temperatures, the days where I didn't see the sun because I'm stuck in a basement working. I don't blame you, though. It's easy to discredit hard work because we're too lazy to do it on our own.
I was that way too. Then I started living.
Today, I made a decision with my head and not my heart. This is something I've never done in my life. I follow my heart always, but right now my heart isn't ready for that. Right now, the window is down on the train, I'm feeling the coolest breeze, listening to Sharon van Etten and staring out the window into the shadows of shaking trees. The scene is perfect for for self reflection, and I have about 12 hours of it to do.
I'm not trying to be someone else, I can only be me. Always. I can't be what someone else wants me to be anymore. "It's not because I always give up, it might be I always give out."
I try and stop worrying about the "end product" of life. I'm sure my grandma would love me to have a direction in life, but I think at this point most understand my rudder is stick in seaweed. And I think that's ok. It's okay to be lost. It's okay to be found! And it's also okay just to be.
One day I have plans to travel for a year straight, strategically mapping out a route to see things I want and have always wanted. Travel, however, isn't something you do to get out of your system. I will always want to go and see. And this is why I fear I can't just settle anywhere. I do hope one day I can figure a nice balance, but that day isn't now.
I'm not trying to be someone else, I can only be me. Always. I can't be what someone else wants me to be anymore. "It's not because I always give up, it might be I always give out."
I try and stop worrying about the "end product" of life. I'm sure my grandma would love me to have a direction in life, but I think at this point most understand my rudder is stick in seaweed. And I think that's ok. It's okay to be lost. It's okay to be found! And it's also okay just to be.
One day I have plans to travel for a year straight, strategically mapping out a route to see things I want and have always wanted. Travel, however, isn't something you do to get out of your system. I will always want to go and see. And this is why I fear I can't just settle anywhere. I do hope one day I can figure a nice balance, but that day isn't now.
I have this wonderful ability to use my imagination at times. It's morning now, and we're still whipping past trees that remind me of anywhere back home. And just like that, im there. Sometimes I don't even need to close my eyes and I'm anywhere I want to be. This has helped me so much in life. There's been times where I've longed so badly to be that kid in his grandmother's den, listening to the ticking and tocking of her grandfather clock. And I've done that plenty. My first few months in New York I imagined I was still sleeping in the hallway at my parents house. And it with this reminder I try to approach my life as well. You can be and do those things. Whatever you imagine is possible. But only you can make those dreams reality.